Cramping... My... St..y..le..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I love you already, baby, but man you are cramping my style.

I have stopped cold turkey with my caffeine addiction, and have never been more miserable. Not only do have have monster headaches, but I never realized just how much caffeine I rely on and consume on a regular basis.

The fact that I know I have to stay awake for several hours in a row seems like an insurmountable task that I just can't face right now. I'm too tired.

I'm too tired for anything.

I wake up every morning and get ready for work, then sleep on the train for the entire 40-minute ride. Then I'm generally OK for part of the morning as I'm battling the small waves of nausea. After lunchtime, however, I spend the remaining hours of my workday trying not to cry because I am just too tired to work. It's gotten to the point where I find myself slinking off to the bathroom to just rest my head against the side of the stall so I can close my eyes for a few minutes.

I can't forget to set my alarm when I get on the train after work because if I don't, I'll sleep through my stop. Evenings are generally OK if the nausea stays at bay until about 9:30 p.m., which is when I'm just done. But because Brent wants to spend time with me just chilling in front of the TV, I'll (lose the) battle to stay awake on the couch until 11, which is my firm bedtime so I'll get eight hours of sleep. Even though it's not enough.

No amount of sleep is enough. You, leech - as I affectionately call you as I'm nodding off at 8 p.m. on a Saturday night to your daddy's dismay - are zapping the majority of my energy as you do the mundane task of growing and developing into a human being inside my uterus.

I'd write more if I could, but sorry baby. Mama needs to rest.

Incredible

I have seen some amazing, hardly believable things in my life - especially during my years as a newspaper reporter.

But everything I saw during my time in that job was from an observation point. I may have been professionally involved, but was never completely invested.

Today was different. Today I was directly involved in the most incredible thing I have ever seen, which was blurred slightly toward the end as the tears took over.

I saw my baby's heartbeat today. I literally saw all four chambers of my 8-week-old baby's heart beating inside me.

I could only rip my eyes off the screen for a second to look at Brent, who didn't return my glance, as he too was transfixed by that tiny body that only slightly resembled a human, but whose heartbeat was unmistakable.

Up until we arrived at my first OB-GYN appointment, I still had doubts. What if the pregnancy test gave me a false positive? What if these feelings of nausea are just regular pangs of illness? What if I had all my hopes up for nothing?

I didn't.

Meet baby Mel. I knew in my heart you were there all along, baby, and your dad and I couldn't be happier.