Dear Colin:
Tonight I put you down in your crib and rested my arms and chin on the front of it while I watched you sleep.
One of my favorite parts of the day - and I have many now, all of which have something to do with you - is right after you fall asleep nursing when it's your bedtime. You're exhausted at this point, so you rarely wake up when I pull you up to my shoulder to burp you. After gently patting your back for a few minutes, I then just rest my cheek on the side of your head, rub your back, rock you in the rocking chair in your darkened nursery, and listen to you breathe softly while you snooze.
This is usually when I tear up thinking about just how much I love you, and thank God for blessing me with such a precious little boy.
You're 4-and-a-half months old now, and it's been a wonder to watch you discover the world. Your hands are rarely anywhere but your mouth, and no amount of burp cloths in the world are enough to keep up with your drool. You can grasp toys pretty well for a few seconds, but the challenge is being coordinated enough to get them from your hands to your mouth. You usually end up dropping the toy and settling for your fingers. Your oral fixation is yet another trait you got from your daddy, who's always chewing on something too.
Your eyes now follow me as I walk around a room, and I can always count on hearing the "oh hell no this is SO NOT what I wanted right now" shriek when I go into the closet or another room for a few seconds and thus out of your sight. You don't do well being alone, and are happiest in mommy's arms. You'll settle for daddy's arms occasionally, but sometimes it's only mommy's arms that will calm you down. I have to admit that I kind of love that about you, even though I roll my eyes and claim it's exhausting that you always want to be with me.
I love our bond. I love that even in the middle of a crying fit I can bust out the Shark Kisses Game that will immediately turn your tears into smiles. (To play Shark Kisses, I just hum the "Jaws" theme song while getting closer and closer to you until I attack you with kisses. You LOVE it whenever I start singing "dun dun! dun dun! dun dun dun dun dun dun...")
You've just started rolling over, but are far from being a pro. Right now you're pretty content with being on your stomach or your back as long as I'm interacting with you in some way. Heaven forbid I glance at my phone or want to put you in your highchair so I can make myself some dinner. Neither of those activities involve you, so most of the time you're not having that. Everything I need to do that doesn't involve you usually happen after you're down for the night, which these days is rarely past 8 p.m.
I wish you would stay up until at least 9, but after spending a full day at daycare, you usually start getting crabby around 7. I love all the things you're learning there, but just don't feel like I get enough time with you during the week. I pick you up around 6:15 every day, so by the time we get home, I usually have just one precious hour on the floor with you and your toys before the eye-rubbing signals it's time for our "B" routine: Book, Bath, Boob, Bed. Daddy has the morning routine with you, which means I get the evenings.
After reading a book to you - or half a book, depending on how cranky you are at this point - I can always count on the warm bath to calm you down and make you happy again. You LOVE the bath, and are usually happiest gnawing on the washcloth, kicking at the water, and staring at me sitting next to the tub.
Next up is the lotion and diapering and getting you into your jammies hopefully before you start to cry because you're ready for bed and I'm not yet at the point where I'm settled in the rocking chair to watch as you contentedly nurse yourself to sleep.
So yes, Colin, I often watch you sleep, which might be creepy if I weren't your mommy. But I am, and I thank God every day that he gave me you.
Love,
Mom
