Could I Truly Already Look Pregnant?

It's two weeks away from my very first OB-GYN appointment since learning about my pregnancy, and I am getting anxious. I know, totally out of character for me, right?

I have of course been googling everything from "When will I start to show?" to "When can I first feel the baby move?" whenever the thought pops up. My latest concern is how much of a pooch I have already, even though I'm supposedly not supposed to be showing for another few weeks. My stomache wasn't the flattest to begin with, but I already look pregnant, and according to the blogs I've been reading, that's much earlier than I'm supposed to be showing.

This of course lead to worrying about how much weight I'm going to gain, whether I am truly just a few weeks in like I think I am, and whether there just might be more than one baby in there.

And there more I google and the more I know, the more freaked out I'm getting that this pregnancy is not "normal" even though I've read over and over that it's different for every woman.

What I also know is that these feelings of worry are only going to get worse as this pregnancy goes on, as it's in my nature. Deep breaths, Erika. Deep breaths.

I Just FEEL Pregnant

"What time are you going to be home?" I asked my husband, whom I hadn't seen in two days because of a business trip.

"I'm on my way," he replied over the phone.

"Well, where are you exactly?" I asked, knowing that if he had just left the office it could be up to 25 minutes before he got home.

"Palatine, why?" he said, signaling that he was about halfway home.

"I just... I think I should take a test," I said, looking at the First Response EPT pregnancy test I was holding in my hand. "I've been feeling weird and just I think I need to take this test. Plus I have to pee right now, so come home soon, OK?"

At this point, it had been nearly a week since my expected period. And I had googled "early signs of pregnancy" three times by this point. Yes, my breasts had been sore for that entire week and I was having some cramping, but those are the same symptoms I get before I start my period, so I was trying not be too hopeful that they meant something else.

But it wasn't until I read that one of the early signs of pregnancy was "just feeling pregnant" that I started truly thinking it might just be true. After all, I had one tiny wave of nausea that lasted about 7 seconds after lunch one day - which could have been from some food that didn't agree with my stomache - and a few weird, slight twinges of pain in my abdomen and nether regions. Neither are very telling signs of early pregnancy.

And yet when I was alone with no one around a few days prior to the day I took the test, I put my hand over my abdomen and whispered, "I think I feel you. Are you in there?" I didn't tell anyone because I just thought they would think I was silly.

I still thought I was being silly when my husband came home and I listened to his story about flying home while he was making a snack and I was in the bathroom with the door open peeing on a stick. I of course had read the instructions that said to wait five minutes before looking at the results, but instead watched the urine travel down the stick, causing two pink lines to appear.

My hand covered my open mouth for probably a full 15 seconds as I tried to absorb the news that I was going to be a mother well after the stick had absorbed the urine that told me so.

"BRENT," I shakily yelled, interrupting his story about his trip. With tears steadily streaming out of both of my eyes, I ran into the kitchen, threw my arms around his neck and told him, "Honey, I'm pregnant. Oh my God I'm pregnant!"

He laughed and gave me a hug, then opened the oven and looked from me to the oven.

I was so shocked at this point, that I could not comprehend that he was trying to tell me that I had a bun in the oven. My first thought was, "Why does he want me to bake him something now?"

The poor guy then spent the next 20 minutes trying to get me to sit down and relax, as I had been pacing around the apartment, stopping only to check the test again and again on the counter in the bathroom.

The second words out of my mouth after "I'm pregnant" were "I'm scared." Because I am. I'm terrified. This will change my life in more ways than anything else and I don't know what to expect and I'm scared.

Once Brent settled me down a bit, he went downstairs for his evening workout, leaving me with my whirlwind of thoughts. Yesterday, we found out our loan was approved so we could buy our first house together. And today I found out that in a few short months it will be home to someone else too.

But I can't tell anyone. Not yet. I have to be out of the woods before I share this news with my family because the worst that could happen is I lose this baby.

But because I couldn't keep it all in, I went over to the open screen door, peered outside at the torrential rain, and, knowing no one could hear me, yelled out: "I"m pregnant!"

Expect A Baby

"Hello, my name is Erika and... um... I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive," I stammered to the nurse at my OB-GYN's office. "And... well... I guess that means I'm pregnant but I don't really know what to expect."

"Well, you can expect a baby," she said, laughing which thankfully settled my nerves for a few minutes as I laughed with her and thanked her for congratulating me.

I was originally going to name this blog "I'm Pregnant, Now What?" because it seemed quite appropriate for a blog about a first pregnancy. Having a baby is something I've wanted since I was a kid - trust me, my mom can attest to this - but now that that time is here, it just feels surreal. I'm sure it's because the fact that I am pregnant just hasn't sunk in yet - and because the books I ordered on pregnancy haven't yet arrived, so I'm not sure all these twinges and feelings are "normal" or not.

But because of that friendly receptionist who put me at ease, I decided to name this blog "Expect A Baby". I have no idea if I can expect morning sickness, a boy or a girl, or a smooth labor and delivery, but I do know there is one thing I can expect.

I'm pregnant. I can expect a baby.