Preparing For A Baby... Or Another Heated Argument

Tonight was (thankfully) our last birthing class at the hospital where I'll soon be giving birth. This is good because I think if we had a fifth two-hour class we wouldn't have made it through without my punching my husband in the face for his lack of attention and inappropriate comments.

I signed the two of us up for the Prepared Childhood Class at the hospital because it teaches all aspects of childbirth, including the phases of labor and delivery.

I got so much out of the class. We learned about relaxation exercises, breathing techniques, and comfort measures. Along with that, the dozen couples in the class and I were given detailed description of all phases of labor and birth, including medical interventions, anesthesia and options for labor, as well as a birth video. I learned so much about my body and what to expect that I'm not sure what I'd have done without the class and the "Gift of Motherhood" birthing book I was given.

In addition, during the third week of the class, we were given a tour of the obstetrical department so we could see the rooms that we'd labor and deliver in as well as the nursery and recovery rooms.

I should have known, however, that this was not going to be a simple, easy, enjoyable experience because I was well aware ahead of time that my husband did not want to be there. He had agreed to go, but because he would rather have been almost anywhere else, he made sure that I knew that regularly during the entire class.

Though I tried to concentrate on what the instructor was saying, my train of thought would constantly be interrupted when I'd feel a light tapping on my shoulder followed by my husband's saying something along the lines of, "Is she going to talk about all 16 of those images on that poster?" Or, "How do you think that guy over there got that hot of a wife?"

This was all before he'd make a mockery of the relaxation exercises the instructor was teaching us by acting like he didn't know how to slightly lift each of my limbs to see if they were heavy and thus relaxed. (He said he refused to fully participate in the relaxation exercises first because "they were stupid" and second because he is confident in his abilities to relax me and doesn't need instructions on how to do so.) (Don't tell him I tend to agree with him on this part.)

After the obnoxious loud exhaling at the fact that the class would run a few minutes past 9 p.m., he'd tell me that he spent the majority of the past two hours staring at some of the other women's breasts or daydreaming of it being 9 p.m. and thus the end of class.

This was always right before the inevitable irrational argument about something we learned in class that the emotional mother in me would bring up - like the fact that I need Brent to go with our son up to the nursery to get his first bath while I'll be stuck in the recovery room because of my fear that he'll be switched at birth, and Brent's reply of something other than "Whatever you want, honey."

But then he'll say something like "effaced" or "dilation" and I'll smile a little, knowing that at least some of the information must have permeated into his brain while he was seemingly absentmindedly checking out the other knocked up chicks.

Guess we'll see in the labor and delivery room!

Baby Newsletter Week 31

Below is a copy of one of the weekly newsletters my friend, Heather, sent to our friends at work during my pregnancy as the BPA (Baby Personal Assistant):

Hi Everyone! 

Baby weighs as much as four oranges?!

Baby oompa loompa:

-His head is in a major growth spurt! 

-He can move his head side to side… he's watching you!

-He's also plumping up nicely now.

-He's moving a lot more now! So Erika may not be getting as much sleep as she wants!

Mama oompa loompa:

-Braxton Hicks contractions here we come… random contractions may be popping up, due to tightening of the uterus. They often last about 30 seconds, they're irregular, and there is no need to panic (as Erika is now telling me it will be super scary if this happens)

-Eww she's going to be leaking… milk. Gross. Enough said.

Have a great week!

Heather, the official BPA

Baby Newsletter Week 30

Below is a copy of one of the weekly newsletters my friend, Heather, sent to our friends at work during my pregnancy as the BPA (Baby Personal Assistant):

Hi Everyone! 

This week baby weighs as much as a "good-sized" cabbage! 

Baby cabbage:

-A pint of amniotic fluid surrounds baby boy.
-His eyesight is developing… but it won't be very keen now or after he's born. When he does open his eyes he'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision! Meaning he can only see things a few inches from his face. So if you want him to recognize you, you will have to get real up close and personal!

Mama Cabbage:

-Trouble sleeping?! Mom is going to be feeling more tired these days. So we all need to help her out, wheel her around the office, cook her food, and give her back massages!
-She's also getting more and more clumsy! She will NOT be juggling flaming knives while balancing on a ball at the upcoming talent show!
-Once again the site confirms that there is definite shift in gravity… I'm still waiting to see if we can get a paperclip to orbit around her!
-With the hormonal changes, Erika's ligaments are more lax… so joints are looser and that is why her balance is a bit off. This relaxation can actually cause her feet to spread permanently (no idea what that means… we'll have to ask doctor Brian later) and she may need to buy new shoes in a bigger size! Glad she still has not invested in a pair of Christian Louboutins (push prez Brent?! Though a little blue box would also work! :-) )!!!
-Mood swings are BACK (but did they ever really leave?!)! With the combination of uncomfortable symptoms and hormonal changes we are all in for a roller coaster ride of emotions!

Good luck to all of us!

Heather the official BPA

Baby Newsletter Week 29

Below is a copy of one of the weekly newsletters my friend, Heather, sent to our friends at work during my pregnancy as the BPA (Baby Personal Assistant):

Happy Week 29-

Baby Squash

-Perfect cute size of a baby and perfect fall food!

-His little head is growing bigger to make room for that smarty pants brain!

-He has more nutritional demands now! -So Mama Squash make sure you're eating plenty of protein, vitamin C, folic acid, and iron! Drink lots of milk b/c his little developing bones needs the calcium!

-About 250 milligrams (I don't know how much that is in real people terms) of calcium is deposited into your baby's hardening skeleton each day!!!

Mama Squash

-Baby is really active, and some healthcare providers may ask you to spend some time each day counting kicks! That sounds way more fun than timelines… or we could make a timeline about your kicks!!!

-2 old friends are back….. Heartburn and constipation… gross. The hormones are raging and causing some issues! So fiber, water, and exercise are the keys to being less moody and sad. 

Have a great week!

-Heather the official BPA

Baby Newsletter Week 28

Below is a copy of one of the weekly newsletters my friend, Heather, sent to our friends at work during my pregnancy as the BPA (Baby Personal Assistant):

Happy Tuesday Everyone,

We're a Chinese cabbage!!! 

Asian Baby

-Baby is two and a quarter pounds this week… just like a Chinese cabbage.

-He can blink his eyes and now sports some delightful eyelashes!

-His eyesight is developing which will be important for his future tennis career! Baby can also see the light that filters in through the womb. 

-He's developing billions of neurons in his brain, which will be important to get into college!

-He's also getting fatter! Yay! Which is needed for his life outside the womb.

Asian mama Meller

The third trimester starts this week… phew!! Congrats everyone, we've made it so far! Erika you're doing great and you look fabulous!

-Lots of doctors appointments are ahead… ever other week, weekly, sheesh, we'll never see Erika again!

-Erika will now feel an unpleasant "creepy-crawly" sensation in her legs… weird. And with that comes the irresistible urge to move them while trying to relax or sleep. So restless leg syndrome begins… no one get too close or she'll kick you. Stretching, leg massages, and less caffeine will make it better… but we should still be careful around her.

Baby Newsletter Week 27

Below is a copy of one of the weekly newsletters my friend, Heather, sent to our friends at work during my pregnancy as the BPA (Baby Personal Assistant):

Hi Baby Fans (Fanby's!),

Baby Cauliflower:

-Baby weighs almost two pounds!!! 

-He's sleeping regular intervals, opening and closing his eyes, and perhaps sucking on his little fingers! Too cute!

-Baby's brain tissue is developing making, baby's brain active and super smart! A future Wold Booker in the making!

-He is starting to have hiccups!!! So any tiny rhythmic movements in Mama Mel's belly may be due to this! 

Mama Cauliflower:

-Mama Mel is closing on the second trimester and with that a new slew of issues!

-Expect an aching back and your leg muscles to cramp up now and then!

-It's also time for the parent's to be to start thinking of post baby planning! 

Have a great week!

Heather the official BPA

Baby Newsletter Week 26

Below is a copy of one of the weekly newsletters my friend, Heather, sent to our friends at work during my pregnancy as the BPA (Baby Personal Assistant):

Heyo Baby Scouts! Happy Monday!

We're not just any cucumber… we're an English hothouse cucumber!!! Ow ow! Mind you this is measuring in length this week!

Baby hothouse:

-Nerves in baby's ears are better developed and more sensitive than before!

-He may now be able to hear your voice!!!!! So come on over and talk to baby!

-He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid… which is gross, yet important for the development of his lungs! He will need good lungs to belt out the Michigan fight song!

-Yay for baby fat… no not the designer. 

-This is icky… but his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum – a magical trip that will take about two to three days.

Mama hothouse:

-She's rushing around with classes, registering baby's new things, and attempting to do daily tasks… let's make sure we give her a break and help  out Mama b/c her blood pressure is increased and she is a stressin!

-Lower back is feeling achy thanks to a growing uterus which is shifting Erika's center of gravity. This is causing weakened abdominal muscles and may be pressing on a nerve… and of course hormonal changes!

-The solution is a warm bath or hot compress (or cold, depending on her mood)

-Other very important points: good posture during the day is a must! -avoid bending and twisting! -take frequent breaks when sitting or standing! -sleep on your side with legs bent and pillow b/w your legs! 

-Foot massages are also a MUST!

Have a great week!

Heather the official BPA